10 things no one ever tells you about motherhood

Written by Beth

1. That you can go from a laidback, carefree woman to a panicky, unstable worrywart that checks on the baby every five minutes to ensure he/she is still breathing.

2. That you’ll never get back the sleep you lose. It can make you a moody, wailing mess with permanent bags under the eyes, and no, concealer doesn’t help.

3. That contrary to what lactation consultants say, breastfeeding does hurt at first and it isn’t always easy. If you don’t wear breast pads, you will walk around with wet spots on your shirt, and rest assured, people will point & laugh behind your back about it.

4. That your childless friends will likely disappear once they realize that you don’t feel comfortable finding a baby-sitter for your newborn so you can go out bar hopping with them, and “pump & dump” is a pain (and a myth), anyway.

5. That you really don’t need to sterilize everything in sight.

6. That parenting books don’t prepare you for the real thing in any way, shape, or form, and there isn’t an entry in any index for “Why won’t my baby stop stinking crying?”

7. That your body will never really be the same again, no matter the amount of crunches, and despite the lotions that “lighten stretch marks”.

8. That there will be days when you count down the hours, minutes, seconds, until baby goes down for the night, and you finally get a break—for a few hours.

9. That there will be days you’re lucky to even get a shower, and that you don’t care if your husband thinks you’ve “let yourself go”.

10. That there is a breed of mothers, called “sancti-mommies”, that will tell you you’re the devil if you aren’t a breastfeeding, attachment parenting, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, non-vaxx’ing mother who gave birth naturally while squatting in the middle of an idyllic field, and they give all mothers a bad name. You will encounter this breed of mother when you least expect it.

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Comments (5)

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I hear you about the sanctimommies. Next time one of them tries to tell me what to do, I'm going to punch her, I swear!

amberpagewrites , July 09, 2009 | url

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How true! Although you forgot the part where you keep travel sized deoderant and a toothbrush in the diaper bag because while you're capable of making sure your children are clean when you walk out the door, your own personal hygiene is another story.

HouseholdSix , July 03, 2009 | url

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What a totally awesome, beautiful picture! I love your list! I don't know if I would have believed it with the first one, but I'm definitely there now smilies/cheesy.gif

bluecottonmemory , July 01, 2009 | url

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LOVE this! My ten things would include most if not all of your list too. I can especially relate to number 8. I STILL do that and my kids are 6 and 3...except I do it EVERY day! LOL!

A Mom Is A Job , July 01, 2009 | url